Speaking of nightmares…

Here is my latest. In all seriousness, don’t read any further if you are easily put off.

I lived in a two level apartment complex that looked more like a motel. I was a little girl of about eight who looked exactly like Wednesday Addams. My mother was a woman I don’t recognize and there was a party in my apartment. I left to go to a neighbor’s house down the landing. He was a man in his thirties with shaggy hair who I also didn’t recognize from real life.

I think I let myself into his apartment, but didn’t see him. I began looking for his black cat. When I found it, it was freaking out and having a fit. I didn’t hear anything, at the time, but I came to realize something was going on in the bathroom. It was a gigantic, tiled bathroom and there were two men electrocuting him. I saw everything in pieces, up close, but almost as though my brain couldn’t handle the whole scene at once. He was soaked in blood because it was coming from every pore including his entire head which, as they laid him down dead, I now saw was completely bald.

As the two men walked out, they were laughing that he had let go of his bodily functions when they saw me. They stopped in their tracks long enough for me to give them a death stare. Then they walked out. It’s bothered me all day.

I have always had dreams like this, when I can remember them. I never have abstract dreams about nothing or about things that are really far-fetched. All of the dreams I have that I remember upon waking are nightmares and there’s nothing to betray to my unconscious that they are unrealistic. They are usually extremely graphic, visceral and ugly–nothing I would ever voluntarily look at. For a long time, I’ve done things to try to prevent either dreaming or remembering them and it more or less works, but I have been unable to keep them at bay lately.